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paranoidandroid

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It seems that the harder I try to refine an idea, the less inspired it becomes. Maybe inspiration is best preserved in its raw form? Maybe any altercations should only be made by an experienced hand in a state of flow, and not by a novice teenager with a couple months of experience. But how do I achieve that? What is mastery? How do I get it. I want it. I think we all want to master something. To become respected for a particular skill we worked hard to acquire… Just a thought.

Does practice need to be thoughtful to progress towards mastery? Or can it be achieved simply through diligence? I mean not just mastery, effortless mastery. The thing that comes over you in a wave when you see a truly talented individual perform. That wave of humanity, of passion that tears apart your defenses and sucks you into the emotion of the performance… I’d like to give that to people. Of course I doubt that I can achieve that state, but its not like that’s my only goal in music. I just gravitate towards it.

I love music, it heals, it teaches, it loves, it sucks you dry and then feeds you to health. Ah one day my attempts at poetry will be more worthwhile. You know as well as I do that its not so easy to describe what you love. Words just don’t go that deep. A real poet could describe it to you… how they do it is beyond me. I mean words are so superficial. Look at our evolution. The first form of communication to evolve was ape like calls. These calls eventually became associated with emotions, and then much later they began to describe the real word in the form of words. But at the heart of language is those calls, the rhythmic tones we once used to describe feelings. And maybe thats why music is so beautiful.

325 words in 10 minutes at 01:23 AM on Jan 18, 2011 | comments

Stop protecting your posts please!

5 words in 1 minute at 10:42 PM on Jan 17, 2011 | comments

The world is populated, owned, and managed by lifeless people. How often have I seen a face on the television, a man at his desk, a young lady running for office – all of them looking as if death would be a release from their own personal hell. But all of them are far too numb to realize how much monotony pains them, so they persevere because of their sense of duty. But also because the painfully slow pace they take is safe, and full of security from others. Wearisome but not quite aimless they stroll through life one foot in front of the next. And their satisfaction? Money, Love, Children, Friends, Work? I suppose its worth it for most people. But what if life were more? What if you could have relationships and do good work and raise beautiful children and support society and fall in love without dying inside? What if you could grow up without going numb? Isn’t that a dream we all gave up on a little too soon? Shouldn’t you have fought just a little bit harder? I wont face these regrets. I could never. So I’ll keep chasing my life, and to all those who are content with the motions – good luck. I hope life treats you well.

P.S.
Alienating people is something I do when I write. Its something I’d like to improve upon, maybe I’ll get to it next post, for now I’m working on sentence and idea transitions. Ladeeda, like you needed to know all that. Just eating up my ten minutes so I thought I’d share. You know I wonder what the world would be like if people just listened a little more , you know? Like for the longest time I thought my ideas were the best in the world, but now that I listen it seems like everyone I meet has at least a couple absolutely genius ideas. I just don’t understand how all these problems still exist when human beings are so thoughtful and intelligent. Maybe we’re just too beautiful to have all the kinks worked out…

351 words in 10 minutes at 10:30 PM on Jan 17, 2011 | comments

This is a protected post.

303 words in 10 minutes at 07:26 AM on Jan 17, 2011

Maybe setting this to my home page was a bad idea. You know how you just click “home” when you get tired of surfing. Like its some sort of comforting thing thats always nice and warm. But comfort is what traps you as soon as you begin losing interest. But what? My life is so boring. I never do anything. I want to do things though. I’d like to get out more. But a job or off to college? I just don’t know. I’ll start with a job. Soon. I forgot to call Mr.Hansen about my fabric. I’m so unreliable. Ahhhhh why does everything have to be so important. One at a time I suppose… One at a time… One. at. a. time. Just one. One. One. One. And then another. And another. just one more. Oh and don’t forget this. And how could you possibly have forgotten that. Where will you be in 10 years?
Where will you be tomorrow? Oh silly me, is this yours? Well it certainly isn’t mine, all my bullshit is pretty.

177 words in 7 minutes at 06:50 AM on Jan 17, 2011 | comments

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