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High school is ending in a few months. Today is 7th November, 2014. The next few weeks will definitely be busy. The next month would be our finals, then we’d have Christmas break. We’ll return in January and have our exams on the last week of February.
And if God permits, we’ll graduate by March.
I have been in Christian Colleges of Southeast Asia since I was 5 years old. I have been enrolled here since first grade. And now I’m a senior in high school, about to graduate, and feeling nostalgic.
This school was basically my childhood. This was where I grew up, and now I’m finally leaving. It’s time to shed those turquoise colors and find my own color – my own identity. They have shaped me through their vision and mission, and I know I learned a lot. I am grateful for being here, honestly. Loyalty award, anyone?
I, however, don’t think I’m ready to fly with the wings they gave me. They helped me make it, sure, but I don’t have the confidence to try it on.
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One sentence that sums up my entire life at the moment:
I AM NOT READY TO GRADUATE.
I am not ready to leave high school, I am not ready to face the dreaded hallways of a university, and I am not ready to be a zombie.
I mean, even now as a senior, I went through extremely stressful times (and it isn’t even half the school year yet). College could be exciting, because freedom, but really…
I’d rather be locked inside my room or anywhere else than be stressed over certain things. I don’t even know what major I’m going to take! Do you understand my struggle? I’m still fifteen, turning sixteen next year on April. How am I supposed to cope up with this?
Not that I don’t want to move on with my life or anything, and have a start for my future, but I guess I just don’t want to grow up just yet. It all boils down to that fact. Growing old is inevitable; today is the oldest we’ll ever be and the youngest we’ve ever been. Growing up, on the other hand, is completely optional. Now I understand why Peter Pan didn’t want to grow up.
I miss being a kid. In which your problems were literally just losing your pen or scraping your knee or getting in an argument with your best friend. Now it intensified by one hundred. Not sure if I’m ready to face more of that.
I complain a lot, don’t I?
At least I get things out. I’ll figure things out. I’ll let things pass, the way they’re supposed to. I’ll keep being positive. I’ll have faith. I will pray. And maybe, just maybe, things will fall into place the way I want them to be.
When I need to be creative, my creative juices run dry. But when I don’t think of writing anything or being productive, so much ideas enter my mind at the same time that it’s overwhelming. And when I do try to write it down, none of the words seem to come out. My thoughts seem to find its way out of my head. And it is absolutely annoying.
This results to me searching some sites that will help me get over writer’s block because I really want to finish this short story I’m working on and so I could finally release the story ideas that have been sitting at the very back of my mind. I mean, I know it’s there. I know I can. But I can’t seem to do it, and I need help.
Then I found this site which could actually help me.
Hopefully, it does.
I have been told that I have the potential to be a writer. I even won the school’s competition for Short Story Writing (Communication Arts Festival) last January, and I’m quite proud of that honestly. It’s the first time I ever shared my story to the people I know in real life. And I won! That’s an achievement.
The thing is I’m not inspired. I mean, I see potential stories waiting to be written all around me. For instance, my best friend’s past relationships and how she’s struggling to go through her teenage life; how my other best friend is finding it hard to leave us here but wanting to be out of her grandmother’s hair by being with her mom in Canada; how beautiful this girl’s relationship is with her boyfriend and how she changed so much from being the most hated girl to the girl everyone wants to hang out with; how my best guy friend loved to play with a girl’s feelings and now that he’s serious about this girl he met, he gets hurt.
It’s amazing how many lives are so interesting and so inspiring but no matter how much I try to write something about it – nothing comes out of my mind. Like, whenever I open Microsoft Word and place my fingers on the keyboard, nothing comes out. Or whenever I hold a pen and wait for my mind to take me somewhere, it doesn’t happen and it is completely frustrating.
At least, this is a start, right? Me rambling about how this is driving me insane. I haven’t been writing for months now, and I just want to write something – anything – even if it’s rubbish.
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